Vietnam proved that a new kind of war demands torture

How could John McCain, you ask, vote for the appointment of Alberto Gonzalez as AG? How could a man who was tortured in the infamous Hanoi Hilton cast a proxy vote for lightstick sodomy and even murder in our own POW camps? Small, narrow minds such as yours cannot grasp such a concept. Nor, frankly, could the Vega's. Until the Medium Lobster explained.

"But what of the Geneva Conventions?" you may ask. Ah, but the Viet Cong realized how obsolete these thirty-year-old treaties had become. This was a new enemy, one that disregarded such naive "laws of war" as the binary division between civilians and soldiers. In the strange new conflicts of the twentieth century, where guerilla warfare met carpet bombing, napalm, and free-fire zones, the Geneva Conventions seem charmingly quaint to one as enlightened as the Medium Lobster, as they must have to the bodhisattva who woke McCain up by beating him bloody every day, and as they must now to Senator McCain, who has yielded to the higher wisdom of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.