English spoken here, dammit!

Our sixth grade class parliamentarians, otherwise known as the U.S. Senate, doing what they do best.

U.S. Sen. Lamar Alexander Monday introduced a Senate Resolution affirming that statements of national unity, including the National Anthem, should be recited or sung in English. Text of his prepared remarks follows:

“Mr. President, across the country today, thousands and thousands of immigrants – legal and illegal – are marching in a nationwide rally. Many are saying that they, too, want to be Americans.

“But, Mr. President, I’m afraid the message is, quite literally, getting lost in translation. As part of these demonstrations, a new version of our national anthem, the Star-Spangled Banner, has been produced – in Spanish.

“According to an article in the Washington Post last Friday, at least 389 different versions of our anthem have been produced over the years, in many musical styles, including rock and roll and country. But, the Post also noted, never before has it been rendered in another language.

[...]

“That’s why we should always sing it in our common language, English. And that’s why today I am introducing a resolution that affirms that statements of national unity, especially the Pledge of Allegiance and the national anthem, ought to be recited or sung in English.

“We wouldn’t recite the Pledge in French, or German, or Russian, or Hindi, or even Chinese (which, after Spanish, is the second most spoken foreign language in the United States). And we shouldn’t sing the national anthem in Spanish, or any other foreign language.

“So, in this land of immigrants, let’s all sing it together, as one American nation, in our common language: English.

“Mr. President, on behalf of myself, Sen. Frist, Sen. McConnell, Sen. Stevens, Sen. Isakson, and Sen. Roberts, I send this resolution to the desk for purposes of introduction.”

And that's why I, R-Panderia, have submitted my own resolution calling for English-only names to be used for the names of our beautiful states. In the name of national unity, I call for California, henceforth, to be called Caucasiania; Arizona, Aryania; and New Mexico, of course, New England. To name but a few.