The David Brooks of the sports page
The truly incomperable Selena Roberts wins that award. It was bad enough when she was mixing metaphors covering the Knicks, but now that they've made her a columnist her approach to facts is that of someone picking up a dead rat, and her editors seem to still be traumatized by the ghost of Howell Raines in their apparent fear of touching her prose.
She's been, in the words of Steve Goldman, "Hacktastic" all year (scroll down), but today's column was a real beaut.
Before reading the scribe's fevered words, check out the picture of Rodriguez and Jeter that accompanies the article. Sure look tense, don't they? But, no, writes Roberts, "They don't seek the lightness of being."
Like Brooks, for whom crossing the border from Virginia to Maryland means leaving a place where everyone knows everyone, goes to church, is faithful to his wife and votes his conscience by voting Republican, and entering a place of deep depravity, where you don't want to know your neighbor, and there's a Starbucks on every corner, Roberts looks at the state of the Yankees and sees nothing but gnawing anxiety compared to their fun-lovin', sandlot scrappy opponents.
For Roberts, the Yankees are no fun and have none. They are polished. They are professional. They are, in short, expensive losers. And because the Red Sox seem to have an annual competition in which they strive to outdo each other in creating the ugliest hair on the team, the Sox are having much more fun than the Yankees. And are therefore going to win. Just like last year, I guess.
Selena, looking for and finding an angle. A column's gotta have an angle.
Unfortunately, the team's underlying weakness isn't George Steinbrenner (would that it were). He is not hovering over the team. The team's weakness is whether they have a fourth -- and even third -- starter for the playoffs.
For Ms. Roberts, though, the Yankees are just a bunch of superstars who don't like to play with one another, unlike that striving nobody, the Twins' Shannon Stewart.
But back to the Selena's typing.
A true team (there's no "i" in team, you know), would have shown some good-natured levity by losing one of the games at least, instead of methodically winning both games, including a tense first game that featured an incredible comeback by the Yanks (their 66th comeback, or something like that). That would have been hilarious and shown what good sports they are, so confident in themselves that they can lose.
Um, no, Selena, the Twins have a sense of security because they clinched their mediocre division about, oh, two months ago and have control over their pitching rotation going into the post-season.
Yes, I remember those lighthearted days of Paul O'Neill. Nothing builds comraderie like watching your aging right fielder using his bat to destroy the clubhouse water cooler after striking out.
Right, since Joy is a switch hitter with a .972 OPS.
Since Selena apparently studies logic from David Brooks, lets study hers: The Yankees have too big a payroll. That's not fair. Their too-big payroll means they have a roster of great players. And the Yankees have this really boring tradition of methodically winning. Which means they are too serious to play a game. Which means they'll lose to the clownshow up in Boston (everyone loves a clown, right?). And George Steinbrenner makes them tense. Because their pitching stinks. Even though they just won their 99th game. Methodically. Because Boston is having so much fun. Which means, what?
The Yank's magic number is finally down to 1. It has been one of the wildest years the Yankees have had since I've been a fan (ten years now -- they've made it to the post season in all ten of them). I believe, Ms. Roberts's tortured logic aside, that there will be celebration in the Bronx (or Toronto if it doesn't happen tonight) when they do clinch. And to think, they did it all without Nelson.
Unfortunately, civic duty (and the blog, I guess) requires me to watch that event in Florida tonight (after four hurricanes, haven't Floridians had enough wind this year?). Or I could skip it, and just read the AP's coverage of it in the morning. Or this afternoon, even.
She's been, in the words of Steve Goldman, "Hacktastic" all year (scroll down), but today's column was a real beaut.
Before reading the scribe's fevered words, check out the picture of Rodriguez and Jeter that accompanies the article. Sure look tense, don't they? But, no, writes Roberts, "They don't seek the lightness of being."
Like Brooks, for whom crossing the border from Virginia to Maryland means leaving a place where everyone knows everyone, goes to church, is faithful to his wife and votes his conscience by voting Republican, and entering a place of deep depravity, where you don't want to know your neighbor, and there's a Starbucks on every corner, Roberts looks at the state of the Yankees and sees nothing but gnawing anxiety compared to their fun-lovin', sandlot scrappy opponents.
For Roberts, the Yankees are no fun and have none. They are polished. They are professional. They are, in short, expensive losers. And because the Red Sox seem to have an annual competition in which they strive to outdo each other in creating the ugliest hair on the team, the Sox are having much more fun than the Yankees. And are therefore going to win. Just like last year, I guess.
This ever-increasing burden of being a Yankee - heightened by payroll pressure, ratcheted up by an unforgiving Boss - has become the team's underlying weakness.
Selena, looking for and finding an angle. A column's gotta have an angle.
Unfortunately, the team's underlying weakness isn't George Steinbrenner (would that it were). He is not hovering over the team. The team's weakness is whether they have a fourth -- and even third -- starter for the playoffs.
For Ms. Roberts, though, the Yankees are just a bunch of superstars who don't like to play with one another, unlike that striving nobody, the Twins' Shannon Stewart.
But back to the Selena's typing.
True to their serious side, the Yankees did not indulge in the kind of carefree attitude the Twins could afford on the field, methodically winning the doubleheader to push Boston back at a very safe distance.
A true team (there's no "i" in team, you know), would have shown some good-natured levity by losing one of the games at least, instead of methodically winning both games, including a tense first game that featured an incredible comeback by the Yanks (their 66th comeback, or something like that). That would have been hilarious and shown what good sports they are, so confident in themselves that they can lose.
The Twins have a sense of security bred from camaraderie, from players who know one another, believe in one another and ride one another.
Um, no, Selena, the Twins have a sense of security because they clinched their mediocre division about, oh, two months ago and have control over their pitching rotation going into the post-season.
The Yankees used to play like that in the days of Paul O'Neill. They used to know one another, play for one another and celebrate with one another. Now they're a collection of individual talent burdened by their Yankeeness, evoking a perverted version of an old phrase, "He's not heavy; he's my Yankee."
Yes, I remember those lighthearted days of Paul O'Neill. Nothing builds comraderie like watching your aging right fielder using his bat to destroy the clubhouse water cooler after striking out.
Can they lighten up in time? Only if joy is on the payroll.
Right, since Joy is a switch hitter with a .972 OPS.
Since Selena apparently studies logic from David Brooks, lets study hers: The Yankees have too big a payroll. That's not fair. Their too-big payroll means they have a roster of great players. And the Yankees have this really boring tradition of methodically winning. Which means they are too serious to play a game. Which means they'll lose to the clownshow up in Boston (everyone loves a clown, right?). And George Steinbrenner makes them tense. Because their pitching stinks. Even though they just won their 99th game. Methodically. Because Boston is having so much fun. Which means, what?
The Yank's magic number is finally down to 1. It has been one of the wildest years the Yankees have had since I've been a fan (ten years now -- they've made it to the post season in all ten of them). I believe, Ms. Roberts's tortured logic aside, that there will be celebration in the Bronx (or Toronto if it doesn't happen tonight) when they do clinch. And to think, they did it all without Nelson.
Unfortunately, civic duty (and the blog, I guess) requires me to watch that event in Florida tonight (after four hurricanes, haven't Floridians had enough wind this year?). Or I could skip it, and just read the AP's coverage of it in the morning. Or this afternoon, even.
posted by John at 5:01 PM
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