Who's wearing Don Zimmer's pants?

The annals of Nation Bizarro continue...

What's the most disturbing piece of writing in this morning's New York Times?

Is it the Bush administration's loving alliance with Uzbekistan in the Global War on Terror (GWOT)?

The police repeatedly tortured prisoners, State Department officials wrote, noting that the most common techniques were "beating, often with blunt weapons, and asphyxiation with a gas mask." Separately, international human rights groups had reported that torture in Uzbek jails included boiling of body parts, using electroshock on genitals and plucking off fingernails and toenails with pliers. Two prisoners were boiled to death, the groups reported. The February 2001 State Department report stated bluntly, "Uzbekistan is an authoritarian state with limited civil rights."

Immediately after the Sept. 11 attacks, however, the Bush administration turned to Uzbekistan as a partner in fighting global terrorism. The nation, a former Soviet republic in Central Asia, granted the United States the use of a military base for fighting the Taliban across the border in Afghanistan. President Bush welcomed President Islam Karimov of Uzbekistan to the White House, and the United States has given Uzbekistan more than $500 million for border control and other security measures.

Now there is growing evidence that the United States has sent terror suspects to Uzbekistan for detention and interrogation, even as Uzbekistan's treatment of its own prisoners continues to earn it admonishments from around the world, including from the State Department.

Or is it the loving, "He really loves his wife and child" portrait of John Bolton and what the times calls his "zeal?"

Seemingly untroubled by self doubt, Mr. Bolton, whom former Senator Jesse Helms once called "the kind of man with whom I would want to stand at Armageddon," has never shied from a dispute nor hesitated to shatter a consensus. In his office he displays a grenade designating him as "Truest Reaganaut," a telling gift from former colleagues at the United States Agency for International Development.

From his battle, as a Justice Department official, for the doomed Supreme Court nomination of Robert H. Bork to his dramatic declaration to poll workers tabulating presidential ballots in Florida in 2000 - "I'm with the Bush-Cheney team and I'm here to stop the count" - Mr. Bolton has proved himself a fighter, fiercely committed to a bedrock American nationalism.

Nope. Both of those items pales before the apotheosis of the sports memorabilia fetishists.

Orlando said there was a thirst for game-used equipment, especially things that come directly from the Yankees. Steiner has sold game-used 2005 jerseys from Tom Gordon, Jaret Wright, Tanyon Sturtze, John Flaherty and Bubba Crosby.

"Items like the ones which are high quality in the marketplace are worth what someone is willing to pay for them," Orlando said. "Sometimes, that's hard for people to understand."

So how was the price determined for Don Zimmer's uniform pants? Those 1997 road grays, with an unspecified waist size, are available for $749.99. It is safe to say Zimmer has never paid that much for pants. Jeter's road grays from three years ago cost a cool $7,499.99, 10 times more than Zimmer's for much less material.

Amazed. Speechless.