A $40 million party -- for the troops!

Remember, we're honoring the troops here.

First stop: The "Heroes Red, White & Blue Inaugural Ball" at the Mellon Auditorium. On paper, it sounded great: an unofficial late party for wounded soldiers from Walter Reed Army Medical Center and the National Naval Medical Center with Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Deputy Secretary Paul Wolfowitz and Gen. Richard Myers, Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman.

Into the crowd of military dress uniforms, sequined gowns, canes, prosthetic forearms and wheelchairs, emcee Geraldo Rivera waded uncertainly, pausing awkwardly and shaking hands. "Hi. How are you?" he said to Cpl. Christopher Fesmire, a 26-year-old Marine from California who lost his legs in Iraq last fall. "How's life? Having a good party?"

After a brief exchange, Rivera moved on and Fesmire shook his head. Rivera? "Didn't he give up the location of a bunch of Marines?" he asked to no one in particular.

Well, yeah, which made for an awkward moment when Rivera took the stage. "I've been deployed in my own way," he began. A tight laugh skimmed the room. It got worse: Rivera called himself an "overpaid" reporter covering the war, not that different from an "underpaid hero" fighting the war. The silence was deafening. Faltering, he groveled to the soldiers, "We love you. We adore you. . . . You're our new rock stars!"

"Aaah!" joked Fesmire darkly. "We're gonna go back and trash the hotel room."

This was followed by Wolfowitz (who mispronounced Rivera's first name), Myers and Rumsfeld. The evening's big act, Nile Rodgers and Chic, sang -- to a group of soldiers missing hands and legs -- "Clap your hands. Hoo!" and "Dance to the beat. Move my feet. Feel the heat."

Class. Oh, and dignity. That's what it's all about, man.